Sunday, September 23, 2018

Being There

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a memorial service for a lady who worked at my local bank. Although I have not attended a funeral/memorial in decades, my conscience told me to make this a priority. I went, but with trepidation. I didn’t know what to expect.

The service was lovely and respectful. Many people came. I was concerned though that many of this lady’s colleagues didn’t show. It was on a Sunday afternoon. In the weeks leading to the service a number of them asked me if they’d see me there. I said yes and believed they’d show their support. They didn’t. This bothered me A LOT. How could they just not be there?

As I absorbed the moment. I pictured myself as the deceased. I know that sounds maudlin but at 61, you think of stuff like that. Over and over I thought, “In the past, people haven’t been there for me. I’ve supported them when they needed me; why not the reverse? Even in death, would they drop everything to remember me?” Each time I asked myself this, the response was the same. NO!

The service lasted an hour. I left in a hurry. I couldn’t breathe in the intensity of everything. The realization of the lack of people not in attendance bothered me (for this lady), and myself. I got to my car and sobbed at the behavior of people.

When I was younger and a person died, people showed up. It didn’t matter whether it was a family member, close friend or neighbor. People showed up. They showed respect and offered condolences. This behavior reflected integrity.


What has happened to society and our values?

Focus: Kindness, empathy, spirit, friendship, legacy
Question for you: 1) Are you showing up for people or are you making excuses?

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Anger Warning Signs

Sometimes, anger can affect what you say or do before you even recognize how you’re feeling. You may become so used to the feeling of anger that you don’t notice it.
Even if you aren’t aware of anger, it influences your behavior. The first step to managing anger is learning to recognize your personal warning signs.
How do you react when you feel angry. Some of these warning signs start when you are only a little irritated. Which ones apply to you?

  • ·        Mind goes blank
  • ·        Body or hands shake
  • ·        Heavy or fast breathing
  • ·        Scream, yell  or raise your voice
  • ·        Punch walls
  • ·        Become argumentative
  • ·        Pace
  • ·        Insult the other person
  • ·        Start sweating
  • ·        Clench fists
  • ·        Feel hot
  • ·        Go “quiet” and shut down
  • ·        Headaches
  • ·        Face turns red
  • ·        Feel sick to your stomach
  • ·        Become aggressive
  • ·        Crying
  • ·        Can’t stop thinking about the problem



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Monday, September 10, 2018

4 Ways To Resolve Conflict



1.   Focus on the Problem: When a disagreement turns to insults, the conversation is no longer productive. Focus on the problem and don’t blame your partner. If a disagreement becomes personal, take a break from the conversation.
2.   Use “I” Statements: When sharing a concern, begin your sentences with “I” Here’s an example, I feel hurt when you don’t call and tell me  you’re going to be late for dinner. “I” statements show that you take responsibility for your behaviors.
3.   Take time outs: When you and your partner get argumentative, it’s good to take a break or a “time out.” When you’ve  both calmed down, come back to resolving the problem. Make sure that you come back to the conversation and get closure!
4.   Work toward a Resolution: Disagreements are a part of a relationship. Try to find a compromise that benefits the both of you.


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Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Your Brain and PTSD

Here are some “tapes” that we tell ourselves when we’re in a post traumatic stress cycle:

·        “Sometimes, I wish I was dead.”
·        “I’m in pain a lot of the time.”
·        “I feel spacey and I can’t concentrate.”
·        “I have a lot of nightmares.”
·        “I can’t handle the simplest of tasks.”
·        “I’m a doormat.”
·        “I’m so depressed. What’s wrong with me?”
·        “I just want to be alone.”
·        “I can’t concentrate or sleep.”
·        “I feel angry and worthless.”


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Monday, August 27, 2018

The Longevity of Stupid Questions


Don’t ask stupid questions!

I heard that recently in church. A wife said that to her husband. I saw the effect that type of verbal abuse had on both of them – DEVASTATING.
The wife looked angry. The husband looked beaten down. I couldn’t help but think what they looked like “pre-marriage.”

In a way, they looked like my parents. In our home my mom was an “alpha-male” – calling ALL the shots, making ALL the decisions. My dad was emasculated every day. I never saw him argue or challenge her. I can’t imagine living in that oppressive environment for 18 years. Yet, they both did! Both of them were unfulfilled. Not a good example of LOVE or respect.

In counseling, I explored the idea of dating and sharing my life with someone. As a product of my parent’s divorce, I’m apprehensive in getting to know someone in a way that goes beyond sex. The sex part is something I know. I also know myself and the baggage I bring. That baggage carries a DEEP wound. I know that’s the case with the woman I am with. I don’t know whether our baggage can withstand a healthy relationship. I guess I won’t know that until I jump in and find out.

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Focus: Dating, Intimacy, Spirit


Questions for you: 1) What baggage (drugs, alcohol, bi-polar) are deal breakers for you? 2) What baggage prevents your self-disclosure/intimacy with others?

Monday, August 20, 2018

Exercise Your Heart: 6 Benefits


Physical activity is as beneficial to your heart as medication. Here are 6 benefits:

1.   Exercise lowers blood pressure. It works like beta-blocker medication to slow the heart rate and lower blood pressure. High blood pressure is a major risk factor for heart disease.
2.   Exercise is key to weight control. Being physically active is an essential component for losing weight and keeping it off. Being overweight puts stress on the heart and is a risk factor for heart disease and stroke.
3.   Exercise helps strengthen muscles. A combination of aerobic workouts (i.e. walking, running, swimming) and strength training is considered best for heart health. This reduces the need for the heart to work harder to pump more blood to the muscles.
4.   Exercise helps you quit smoking. As smokers become fit, they often quit. People who are fit are less likely to ever start smoking.
5.   Exercise helps stop, or slow the development of diabetes. When combines with strength training, regular aerobic exercise such as biking or swimming can reduce the risk of diabetes by allowing the muscles to process glycogen, a fuel for energy.
6.   Exercise reduces stress. Stress hormones can put an extra burden on the heart. Exercise can help you relax and ease stress.


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Monday, August 13, 2018

Exercise: Fit It In


How can you fit more exercise into your day? Begin with small steps. Here are some ideas:
  • ·        Park your car at the end of a parking lot so you have further to walk.
  • ·        Use the stairs instead of the elevator.
  • ·        Spend part of your lunch break walking.
  • ·        On bad weather days, walk indoors at the mall.
  • ·        Wake up earlier and exercise before you do anything else.
  • ·        Use a wearable fitness tracker to count your steps. Increase your daily steps by 500  each week with a goal of 10,000 steps per day.



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Monday, August 6, 2018

Exercise and Anxiety/Depression


1.   Start small >> Set achievable goals and build from there.
2.   Workout when you have HIGH energy >> Gauge your energy. When you are at your most focused (i.e. morning, afternoon, night).
3.   Activities that are FUN >> gardening, walking the dog.
4.   Be comfortable >> wear comfortable clothes.
5.   Reward your efforts >> treat yourself to something you enjoy.
6.   Exercise with a friend >> keep your goals consistent. Ask a friend to accompany you as you exercise.


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Monday, July 30, 2018

Overcoming Mental Health Obstacles to Exercise


1.   Feeling exhausted: When you’re tired or stressed you might feel like working out, will make you more exhausted. The truth is that exercise is a powerful source of energy. Studies show that regular exercise can dramatically reduce fatigue and increase your energy.

2.   Feeling overwhelmed: The idea of “one more thing” can clearly be a deal-breaker. Remember that exercise helps us do everything BETTER.  If you think of exercise as a priority, you WILL find a way to fit it into your schedule.

3.   Feeling hopeless: If you start at “ground zero” you can still be successful. Start slow with low-impact exercises and watch your progress.

4.   Feeling bad about yourself If you are critical of your body, it’s TIME to change the channel. Don’t think that you are alone, try surrounding yourself with people who are like you. Accomplishing even the smallest of goals will help you gain “body confidence.”


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Monday, July 23, 2018

Remembering Your Spirit


“I don’t know what my passion is.”

This is a common question/concern for people who’ve  lost themselves. They invested their energy into their spouse, family and career. In the process, they  lost themselves. With ALL the investments in others, they forgot about their own SELF-INVESTMENT or SELF-DEPOSIT.

Years ago, Oprah Winfrey took her talk show in another direction. Admittedly, she was a part of the “trash-talk” scene (embarrassing guests on camera for ratings). One day, she realized that God gave her the talk show as a platform for helping others. She realized that there was something more to her journey. It was to educate and empower her audience.

For one year, she developed a daily segment called Remembering Your Spirit. For 10-15 minutes she featured a guest who showed others how to “dig deep” and connect with their passions. The television critics were brutal. Oprah was hurt with the criticisms but moved forward with the segments. Very gradually, people saw the importance of them and “dug deep” to reclaim those activities that promoted spiritual wellness.

I had my own realization a couple of weeks ago. I let go of going to the beach in the summer. When I taught full time and had summers off, I hit the beach 2-3 times a week to work on my tan and reconnect with the water and sand. At the time, I didn’t realize that those moments were recharging my spiritual batteries. Every time I went to the beach, I invested in myself so that when I began a new school year, I was spiritually invested.

I let go of my “beach time” for 4 years. I rationalized that it cost too much in gas to go the 50 mile round trip. In addition, I was fearful that my car wouldn’t sustain the journey.

My circumstances changed and in counseling I made the commitment that I’d go to the beach 1x a week to enjoy and treat myself. The first revisit was overwhelming. When I got there, I was flooded with so much joy. I actually said aloud, Hello beach! I missed you!”

I was there for over an hour. I realized how (in the past), this sacred time filled me up and  sustained me to accomplish many challenges. That’s how important that time was.

After that first time, I re-committed myself to trekking to the beach 1x a week (usually Sunday) to replenish what I lost. (Right now, it feels odd to go there. I’m a different person and in a different stage of life. But I know I HAVE to do it for ME!)

As I remembered my spirit, I remembered a deep rooted passion – going to the beach to enjoy my life!

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Focus: Passion, spirit


Questions for you: 1) What passions bring you joy? 2) Are you currently engaged with your passions? Why? Why not? 3) If not, how can you ignite/incorporate them back into your life?

Monday, July 16, 2018

Exercise and PTSD/Trauma


Focusing on your body and how it feels when you exercise, can help your nervous system become “unstuck.” Outdoor activities like hiking, sailing and rock climbing have shown to reduce symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatric Stress Syndrome)
Other mental and emotional benefits of exercise:
  • ·        Sharper memory and thinking
  • ·        Higher self-esteem
  • ·        Better sleep
  • ·        More energy
  • ·        Stronger resilience



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Monday, July 9, 2018

Plan Your Day!

1. Make it realistic. Don’t work on impulse, and do more than you can handle.
2. Prioritize your work.
3. Know your distractions and take steps to control them (i.e., turn off your phone)
4. Start early, and keep on going.
5. Don’t waste your time on  pointless things
6. Switch between focused work and short breaks.
7. Be flexible  with obstacles.

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Monday, July 2, 2018

An Unexpected Turn of Events

I believe that the Universe is ALWAYS speaking to us. What we HAVE to do is pay attention. Events and situations are always speaking to us. Are we listening?

This happened to me recently. I had to have a routine colonoscopy as part of my wellness program. By nature, I’m not a procrastinator. In this case, I put it off  till the last minute. The reason? I had to have someone drive me to, and from,  the hospital. The procedure involves sedation. The hospital is FIRM on having someone be with you for the procedure.

Since I couldn’t get anyone to take me, I used the delivery service through my insurance plan. I was relieved that I had this option. I was also anxious as to how this would all play out. I tend  to control things and wanted this to be seamless.

The day arrived and my driver arrived on schedule. Things were going well until I mentioned that he’d have to walk me into the hospital and stay with me for fifteen minutes. This was the hospital policy. He refused. In his words, “I just drop people off and leave.” I was firm in that I couldn’t go through the procedure unless he respected  my wishes.

He walked me to my destination, albeit begrudgingly. His behavior alerted the hospital staff to contact the insurance company about how this would ALL play out.

In this moment, I witnessed a calamity of errors that pushed my anxiety button.
Things settled down and I was led to a pre-exam room. The blood pressure cup was attached and I lay there until it was time for the procedure. The nurses were concerned about my blood pressure. It’s usually high when I see the doctor. This time, it was off  the charts. Unbeknownst to me, the doctor cancelled that procedure and contacted the  E.R. staff. He believed that I was about to have a heart attack or stroke. The nurses came in to inform me about the procedure. I HAD to go to the ER to have the blood pressure addressed.

I was in the E.R. for a couple of hours to assess my blood pressure  and heart. Everything checked out and I was discharged.

Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well that night. I was so frustrated with the turn of events. I replayed the situation over and over again.

It took me a couple of days before reality hit. I was trying to control the situation. By nature, I’m a control freak. This was no exception. ALL the events were showing me something – I needed to slow down and stop controlling situations. If I continued to control events, the anxiety would get worse. Now, when I feel I want to control things, I remember what happened in the E.R. IN addition, I practice “breathing into my heart” and remembering that I am on a journey. Things WILL work out positively if I relinquish control!

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Focus: Anxiety, Flow with Life, Universe, Life lessons, Spirit 


Question for you: 1) What situations do you still want to control? Why? 2) What can you do to change this behavior?

Monday, June 25, 2018

Exercise and ADHD


Regular exercise is one of the easiest ways to reduce the symptoms of ADHD. It also improves concentration, motivation, memory and mood. Physical activity boosts the brain’s dopamine and serotonin levels. Exercise works in the same way that ADHD medications such as Ritalin and Adderall.


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Monday, June 18, 2018

Exercise and Stress


Have you ever noticed how your body feels when you’re under stress? Your muscles may be tense, especially in your neck and face. You may also feel a tightness in your chest. You might also have problems like insomnia and heartburn. The worry and discomfort of all these physical symptoms can in turn lead to even more stress.

Exercising is an effective way to break this cycle. Physical activity helps to relax the muscles and relieve tension in the body. The body and mind are closely linked. When your body feels better, so will your mind.


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Monday, June 11, 2018

Exercise and Anxiety

Exercise is also a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment. It relieves tension and stress, boosts physical and mental energy, and enhances well-being through the release of endorphins. Anything that gets you moving can help, but you’ll get a bigger benefit if you pay attention, instead of zoning out.

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Monday, June 4, 2018

Exercise and Depression


Exercise can treat mild to moderate depression as effectively as an antidepressant.
Exercise is a powerful depression fighter. It promotes all kinds of changes in the brain. It releases endorphins (powerful chemicals in your brain that energize your spirit and makes you feel really good). It can also serve as a distraction, allowing you to find some quiet time to break out of the cycle of negative thoughts that feed depression.

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Saturday, May 26, 2018

Mental Health Benefits of Exercise II

Exercise isn’t about aerobics and muscle size. It can improve your physical health, improve your sex life and even add years to your life.

People who exercise regularly tend to do so because it gives them an enormous sense of well-being. They feel more energetic throughout the day, sleep better at night, have sharper memories, and feel more relaxed and positive about themselves and their lives. It’s also powerful medicine for many common mental health challenges.


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Monday, May 21, 2018

Commitment And Exercise

You don’t need to be a “gym rat” to reap the mental health benefits of exercise. Start with 10-15 minutes a day and slowly increase your time with weights (or your aerobic routine). The more you exercise, the more energy you’ll have. The “key” to all of this is commitment. As your exercise regime becomes more consistent, you can slowly add minutes to different types of activities. If you keep at it, the benefits will pay off.


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Monday, May 14, 2018

Out of the Closet

Whether you  know it or not. We ALL have a dark side. These secrets keep us sick. They keep us feeling ashamed and unworthy. If we don’t talk about them, we can’t be healed. This is something that I’ve learned in counseling. Although, I learned it many years ago, I have to put it into practice. I don’t want my secrets to destroy my body and bring me any illness.

The above was reinforced when I read Two’s Company  by Suzanne Sommers. She came to notoriety as “Chrissy Snow” in the popular sitcom Three’s Company. Her character put her on the “celebrity map.” Her situation might sound familiar – catapulted to stardom BUT keeping a secret. Her father was a raging alcoholic. It affected everyone in her family. When you’re touched by family alcoholism, it stays with you. You develop coping behaviors that you think help you cope. In fact, they hinder you, and push you into a closet.

In Sommer’s book, she realizes that her inability to talk about her secret, led her to breast cancer. She learned that her hiding (literally) in a closet, stayed in her system, and eventually came out as cancer. Why? Her secret was that she was the daughter of an alcoholic.

Throughout my life, I’ve seen how “secrets” destroy a person’s spirit. Some examples include, abortion, AIDS, mental illness and homosexuality. Each person held one of those secrets until their mortality (health) was challenged. Once their health was in jeopardy, they deduced it was due to the secret they carried. In turn (just like Sommers) they came out of the closet and revealed their secret. I was raised in a home where what happened there, stayed there. At first, keeping those secrets seemed “right.” That is, until I saw the long term effects of them. In a safe, counseling environment I was able to talk about them and heal. I don’t want to be like Suzanne Sommers. I want a life unencumbered by secrets.

I urge you to do the same!

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Focus: Family, secrets, spirit


Questions for you: 1) What secrets are you keeping? 2) What kind of a toll has it had on your body and spirit? 3) What steps can you take toward healing?

Monday, May 7, 2018

Mental Health Benefits Of Exercise

Regular exercise is good for the body. Exercise is one of the most effective ways to improve your mental health. Regular exercise can have a PROFOUNDLY positive effect on depression, anxiety, ADHD and more. In addition, it relieves stress, improve memory, helps you sleep better, and boosts overall mood. You don’t have to be a fitness fanatic to reap the benefits. Research indicates that modest amounts of exercise can make a difference. No matter your age or fitness level, you can learn to use exercise as a powerful tool to feel better.

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Monday, April 30, 2018

ViewPoint: RISK



Stephen Covey has a central theme to his books: win-win and work from the inside-out. The
two ideas go hand-in-hand. It’s an easy concept but very hard to put into practice. The hardest part is making the commitment to dig deep and understand your stuff.

When you communicate, you have to understand what drives you – why do you act in the way that you do. In many cases, fear is present and creates an obstacle. When you are involved in any type of communication situation, you have to take a risk. Without risk, there is no movement. That risk may be asking your boss for a raise or confronting an employee or a colleague, or just being vulnerable. The bottom line is you will never know the outcome, until you try it.

When you understand the inside, the outside comes naturally. And when the inside matches the outside, you are in a win-win situation … everytime!

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Monday, April 23, 2018

Forgiveness (Maria Shriver)

What is forgiveness? It’s letting go of resentment, giving up feeling harmed or damaged. That doesn’t mean the harm or damage didn’t happen. It means that you’re not going to keep revisiting it over and over again, staying stuck in your resentment of the person who caused the harm. Even, if it’s you.

I’ve prayed for help with forgiveness. I’ve tried to talk myself into it. And often, I’ve pushed myself to the forgiveness finish line before I was really ready to take the action of actually forgiving, only to find myself right back where I started: resentful and feeling bad.
So to truly get to the place I wanted to be – which was to be a steady, solid, peaceful, forgiving person – I started with myself.

When I found myself berating myself for choices I made, opportunities I missed, people I misjudged, behaviors I condoned, the whole thing – I stopped. “No more.” I started being kind to myself. Over and over again.

Once I started easing up on myself in this way. I found myself being able to ease up on others. I realized that what I needed, so did they. If I made mistakes and deserved to be forgiven, so, too, did they. If I had hurt another and could be forgiven and move on, so too, could they. If I had been critical and judgmental of someone and could be forgiven, so, too could they.

In other words, If  I could let go of my resentments and judgments of myself, I could and should let go of my resentments and judgments of others and just plain move on, instead of staying stuck. I had to give what I was seeking for myself.

Forgiveness is letting go of the need to feel like a victim. Work on it. You’ll lighten your load – the load of negativity you carry around.


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Monday, April 16, 2018

A Good Idea: Theme Songs and Confidence

Want to be EMPOWERED? Get yourself a theme song and play it when you need a
boost! Back in the 70’s, Helen Reddy wrote the song I Am Woman (Hear Me Roar). It became an anthem for women, and won a Grammy Award! We all need encouragement and a song can do it! What lyrics inspire you? The next time you are stuck and need to move out of a rut, play your theme song and see what happens!

IT’S JUST A GOOD IDEA
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Sunday, April 8, 2018

How Zumba Saved Me!

I’ve  ALWAYS believed that testimonies are tools for personal growth and transformation. They “speak” to what’s possible and how to triumph over adversity. Here’s mine about how I did it!

Three years ago, I was in a bad space. My house went into foreclosure. I was evicted and I lost a teaching job that I loved. Prior to this experience, I attended zumba 3-4 times a week. Being in class brought me so many positives. That all went away when I just “gave up.”

The depression was overwhelming. I couldn’t concentrate. It was hard for me to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I dropped from 180 to 155 pounds. I averaged 2-3 hours of sleep per night. (That was with sleep medication.) My friends dropped out of sight. Many of them  couldn’t be bothered. I felt like my life was over. I thought about suicide. That seemed like a viable solution since nothing I did worked.

One day, I turned on the television. Joyce Meyer, the Christian evangelist said, I need to stop what I’m saying and preach to my television viewers. If you’re thinking about suicide, STOP! That is the enemy. God has a better plan for you.  That moment  wasn’t an accident. It was God telling me to move.

At this point, I was away from my Zumba routine. A friend of mine suggested I return. It helped her overcome fertility issues. In her words, Bob, you’ve got to come back and enjoy the music and fun. I told her I’d think about it since coming back to my local gym was 40 miles, round trip. I said to God, Your plan is better than mine. You know my circumstances and my limitations. I started one day a week. It took me about six weeks to get back into the groove and enjoy dance.

This is my tenth year doing zumba. When I was in the midst of foreclosure, eviction and job loss. I lost myself and  ALL its benefits (i.e. endorphin rush, lower blood pressure, positive camaraderie with others). Now, I’m better. Life is picking up. My weight is back, my blood pressure is lower and I no longer have suicidal thoughts.

For me, zumba is not just a class. It IS a lifestyle that incorporates wellness and restoration of spirit.

Focus: Exercise, Spirit, Joy


Question for You: 1) What exercises can you do to replenish your spirit? 2) What physical challenges are you experiencing that warrant an exercise plan? 3) What is stopping you from an exercise regime?

Monday, April 2, 2018

Family Roles: Problem Child or Addict (End)

The Problem Child or Addict

This family member has an unconscious need to be the center of attention. They may have
felt that they didn’t get the kind of attention they desired when they were young. On the outside, they can be entertaining and intuitive. On the inside, they are addictive and manipulative. In order to BREAK FREE from this role, you will need:
1)   Awareness of situations that “trigger” the need for attention.
2)   A game plan that helps break addictive behaviors
3)   Support in the area of counseling


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Monday, March 26, 2018

Family Roles: Helper or Enabler

The Helper or The Enabler

The helper role develops to help out the parents. The helper develops at a young age. They
fix family problems. They make take on more of a parental role than the actual parents. On the outside, they are helpful and caring. On the inside, they are controlling and enabling. In order to BREAK FREE from this role, you will need:
1)    Change the family pattern of “helping” others.
2)    Tell family members that they need to be responsible for their behavior.


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Monday, March 19, 2018

Family Roles: Mascot or Slacker

Mascot or The Slacker

The comedian plays the role of the family jester. They see the problems in the family and they provide levity. They entertain to distract the family from the emotional intensity. They find that if they can be funny, that they get attention from other family members. On the outside, they are funny and positive. On the inside, they are terrified, needy and left-out. In order to BREAK FREE from this role, you will need:
1)    To be taken seriously,
2)    To hear that your opinions count,

3)    Garner support of your feelings.

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Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Family Roles: Lost Child or The Ghost

Known as the quiet one, or the dreamer. He is rarely in trouble. On the outside he looks
quiet and creative. On the inside, they are disconnected and emotionally dead. They can be depressed and suicidal. In order to BREAK FREE from this role, you will need:
1)    Positive attention,
2)    Encouragement to take chances,
3)    Stay connected to other people.


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Monday, March 5, 2018

Family Roles: Scapegoat or Black Sheep

They tend to be the scapegoat for family problems. They are sometimes held responsible for other family members issues. They can be emotionally vulnerable and depressed. They pull attention to themselves. On the outside, they are rebellious and defiant. On the inside, they are hurt and afraid to trust others. In order to BREAK FREE from this role, you will need:
1)    Permission to be successful,
2)    Supportive confirmation,
3)    Structure and consistency.


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Monday, February 26, 2018

Family Roles: Hero or Good Child

We each have family roles that we've taken on. In this piece, the Hero  or Good Child is explained:

Hero or Good Child
They often see it as their responsibility to “have it all together.” They are achievement oriented and want to be the one that brings honor to the family. They are hard working. They may dissociate from other family members who are problematic. The family hero is sometimes called “perfect child.” On the outside, they look perfect. On the inside they are anxious, and terrified of failure. In order to BREAK FREE from this role, you will need:
1)    Permission to play and not be perfect,
2)    Opportunities to play,
3)    Opportunities to express feelings and needs.


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