Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Leadership And You (Part 30 - Final Post For This Series)

We often see peace as an "absence of conflict" and we think of peace - making as a passive role. But, an effective peacemaker actively pursues peace. S/he builds good relationships, knowing that peace is a by product of commitment. The peacemaker anticipates problems and deals with them before they occur. When conflicts arise, s/he brings them into the open and deals with them before they grow unmanageable.

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Sunday, May 17, 2015


Noticing different kinds of behaviors can reduce stress and eliminate many interpersonal conflicts. When you learn different patterns of behavior you CAN detect problems before they get out of hand.

If you LQQK at people that you work with, you'll recognize patterns or habits. We tend to be bothered by things that irritate us.

When you recognize (and deal with these patterns), you're in the driver's seat. Reflection (on a person's pattern) gives you wisdom. Wisdom gives you the opportunity to make better choices. Choices to either address a behavior, or leave it alone.

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Monday, May 11, 2015

Leadership And You (Part 29)

When we talk too much and listen too little, we communicate to others that we think our ideas are much more important than theirs. Put a stop watch on your conversations  and keep track of how much you talk and how much you listen. When people talk with you, do they feel that their viewpoints and ideas have value?

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Tuesday, May 5, 2015

The Tapes We Carry

You may have been successful in healing your wounds from childhood BUT inevitably there may be some toxic tapes that you still hold on to, and believe.

My parents grew up and survived the Great Depression. It was only when I grew older (and had perspective), that I understood how that period of time, shaped them. Since my dad was virtually absent from my life; my mom was my primary influence. I was fortunate to work with a counselor who changed my life and challenged me to take risks and have a much more fulfilling life. He showed me that we are works in progress and although we may have worked through issues in counseling; there are moments when we still need to heal. There may be triggers that will ignite our WOUNDOLOGY.

My mom took pride in being of POLISH descent. Her excitement/pride went through the stratosphere when Pope John Paul II was elected the first Polish Pope. One of her life goals was to visit Poland and tour all the villages/places that she heard about throughout her life.

A couple of years before she retired, she had an opportunity to go to Poland. She worked for the water department and her boss wanted to land a new client. This involved going to Poland to seal the deal. My mom was fluent in Polish. She could translate and interpret with the best of them. The thing which was a sticking point was that she was a high school dropout. She dropped out as a sophomore to work and provide food and finances for her family. The circumstances, (then) were beyond her control. As she grew older, she had opportunities to get her GED. Unfortunately, life got in the way and she never pursued it. Although she was street smart, she wasn’t (in her mind); book smart.

One day, she revealed to me (via the phone) how she passed up what was probably the most important thing on her bucket list >> visiting her homeland and taking pride in her heritage. Her  belief that she wasn’t educated enough, or  worldly enough, kept her from reaching a  “reachable goal.” As I heard her speak; I heard her “life story” about regret, loss, sorrow and shame. It took EVERY ounce of my energy not to question her story or belief  system. You see, prior to me working with a counselor; I carried her beliefs. It was only through a patient psychologist and a gradual change (to what was new and possible); that I was able to have a better life. When I hung up the phone, I wept deeply and LOUDLY over what she revealed. I recognized that much of my life story of regret, loss, sorrow and shame had been healed. Why? Because I chose to heal them!

We ALL have a history -- good, bad, indifferent. We ALL have a choice to heal it and seek a better, joyful life.

Start today to let go  of “the tapes we carry!”

Question for you: What “tapes” are you still carrying? When will you let go of them?

Focus: Wellness, spirit, self-esteem, life