Trouble With Intimacy

Mark (not his real name) was introduced to me by a business associate. Mark helped with a marketing plan a couple of years ago. I don’t know what we were talking about when he said, “I have difficulty with intimacy.” His comment caught me off guard. My first thought was “Dude you’re married with kids. You’ve seen your wife and kids in all stages of their lives. I mean, you’ve done the deed and everything. How could you have trouble with intimacy?” It took me a while to understand that he was referring to me. Now, I knew this guy was straight so I had to clarify. “What do you mean?” He said, “I have trouble with how you communicate!” I still was lost with where this was going so I said, “I need to be real here. I’ve been around women and children my whole life and this is the only way I can communicate. I can’t talk baseball with you so that whole manspeak is out. You’re just gonna have to ride the wave so that we can work together.”

Once I said my piece, it became clear to me that he was referring to emotional intimacy or self-disclosure. My ability to self-disclose my life was something he had never experienced before. And I don’t think it was just with guys; it was also with women. Maybe he wasn’t raised to be “safe” in talking about his life. Maybe he was so used to talking about sports (i.e. manspeak), that this was the first time he ever encountered someone who showed that being “authentic” was putting your truth out there for others to see. It didn’t take him long to get intimate with his life. Granted, he never shared really intimate stuff, but it was apparent that my ability to self-disclose, was a model, and an inspiration for him.

Question for you: What self-disclosure issues are you dealing with? Care to share? We’re all works in progress!

Focus: Intimacy and Self-Disclosure

It's About Kindness!

Want to have a really cool day? Treat someone kindly. You'd be amazed at how you WILL change their life. It doesn't matter whether it's through words or gestures. Acts of kindness ARE wonderful. If you think about it; kindness has a two-fold effect; it changes the complimentee (person) and the complimentor (you). So starting today, think of someone you'd like to make feel better, and enjoy the rewards!

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Leadership And You (Part 8)

Without trying, we model our values. Parents, in particular demonstrate to their children what they consider important and valuable. "Like father, like son" is not just a well-worn cliche; it is a truth repeated in our homes. And experience proves that children often follow the life-styles of their parents, repeating successes and mistakes.

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It Starts With An Intention . . .

For a couple of years now, I've struggled with finding the real me. I look around and see others doing what I'd like to do -- date, have lots of sex, make lots of money, have lots of (quality) friends, be successful in my career, etc. Currently, I have none of that. I am at a stand still in my life. I don't know where my finances will come from. I don't know where my next job will lead me. Through circumstances beyond my control, I'm in "pause." I have no plan. It frustrates me because I am at my best with a plan that I can follow. I always believed that I operate best, when I could follow a plan. In fact, I took pride in it.

But with anything, there comes a moment when you recognize your mortal clock is ticking. You realize that time is finite. You recognize that your priorities need to change. You need a change, but you don't know how or why. Things seem so confusing. Frustration builds. You think you're the only one going through something like this.

And then, very slowly, something happens. A person or an event gets your attention. It speaks to you with clarity. It excites (maybe even confuses) you in a way that you can't explain. You recognize that the person/event was perfectly orchestrated to move you in another direction. One in which has NO map.

For over 5 years now, I've written this blog to empower people. For now, I'm committed to it, with one exception -- I'll be posting my experiences in life and what I've learned. You'll get the details on things that have happened to me in the past and in the present. Some of these posts will relate to life, some will relate to communication, some will relate to spirit.

Why do I do it now? I know I'm ready. In my spirit, I was born to teach. Being the 1st born, I've always been the leader. I learned from my college mentor the importance of using experience as a teaching tool. We learn best when we understand a concept as it relates to our lives. In addition, I've also learned how intention drives a project. I learned this from Wayne Dyer's book, The Power Of Intention.

I believe that when you commit to a job that you have to be authentic. That means telling things the way they are (or the way you see them). In order to be real, you use your words. That includes adult language.

I know much is lost on the internet (and in the written format) so please understand that these posts are about my journey. I can be professional when I need to be. I also swear like a sailor when my frustration/anxiety levels are on overload. If you are offended by the  words fuck, shit, or motherfucker, STAY AWAY. I don't want to be bashed by people who are offended by adult topics or situations. (Personally, I believe that ALL people are smart enough to know when to use a professional/polite tone, vs. one that is less than stellar.) If you said, "No not me. I don't use words like that." I say to you, "You're a liar. You either thought or said those words."

These personal posts will run about 1-2 times a month. They will not follow in any set order. And in the words of my friend Joanna M., "Just flow with it. Let the posts be guided by God." I'm taking Joanna's advice and jumping in.

Last but not least. I encourage your input. I'd like these pieces to open up a conversation with ALL the followers. Writing these posts takes a lot of energy. We are all works in progress. We can all learn from each other. Frankly, I'm bored with just writing. I'd like to learn from your comments. With that said, I'm jumping into a journey. Who's with me?

Focus: Starting From Scratch

Embrace Your Life!

Too often, our vision gets clouded by the outside voices that permeate our lives. Unfortunately, we think that those outside voices are right. Recapture your life and take control of yourself. Listen to your feelings and beliefs. You determine your destination.

You are blessed as no other person in the world. Your uniqueness is what allows you to make an imprint on the lives of others.

Perpetuate your uniqueness by enhancing your particular gifts. By affirming them, you strengthen them. This cycle allows you to break out of the "I'll be like others want me to be" mode.

Your life is to be lived and loved. Make sure to embrace it.

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Leadership And You (Part 7)

There are many ways for us to leave our work unfinished. We can get side tracked, become exhausted and stop, get mad and quit, or we can let it slide and leave it up to others. Be sure to finish/complete an assignment!

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