Sunday, November 28, 2010

Leave The "Victim" Behind!

Getting out of the victim trap involves an awareness of developing a new habit. Healthy habits are learned in the same way as unhealthy ones, through practice. Three steps will get you there! There is a method to handling these situations so they lose their power (and you regain yours)!

1) Recognize a negative thought and its crippling effect. 2) Treat the thought as if it were told to you by a person who wanted to make your life miserable. 3) Fight the negative with the positive. Think of situations where present evidence proved something different. Challenge the negative!

This sounds easy on paper (and the first time may be a disaster), but it's important to work on it -- work toward getting better -- to neutralize or "neuter" the negative thoughts.

Once  you get this method under your belt, something magical will happen -- you'll be a better listener. Here's how: when you're paying attention to your "critical voice," you can't hear anything else. That's because it drowns out the other person and puts you on "automatic." You automatically react to situations without realizing that maybe, just maybe, you said something intelligent.

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Monday, November 22, 2010

Left Over Habits!

Victims almost always operate from a reference of weakness. They let themselves be pushed around because they feel they're not smart enough to take charge of their lives. So, what they do is hand over their personal power to someone who they feel is "smarter" or "stronger" rather than risk being self-assertive.

You're a victim when life isn't working for you. When you behave in self-defeating ways, are miserable, hurt, anxious, afraid to be yourself and are immobilized; then you are a victim. You may be carrying left over habits from childhood which made sense then (but not now). You may be bull-dozed by someone and  got accustomed to taking it . . out of habit.

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Monday, November 15, 2010

Bad Messages!

Victims are people who run their lives according to the rules of others. (Think of those messages that you got as you grew up; and see the generational connection in how it got to you  through your parents, grandparents and great-grandparents.) They do things they really would not do. They are done with resentment because they've been manipulated through guilt and shame. To be victimized means to be governed by forces outside of yourself. But, you can rarely be victimized unless you allow it to happen. Many times, these "tapes" are generational. You just don't see how deep they go.

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Monday, November 8, 2010

It's Called "Active Listening!"

More than seventy five percent of networking requires you to listen for information and the answers related to it. This is called "active listening." It requires you to be in the moment and to listen to the total person.

Tips for listening:
  • "Commit" to listen and concentrate on the speaker
  • Observe body language for emotions and unspoken meanings
  • Keep your mind "open" to what is said
  • Listen for topics that are of mutual interest
  • Give feedback through smiling, eye-contact and asking questions

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Monday, November 1, 2010

Try a Re-Do OR a Do-Over!

Stop stewing and kicking yourself. When you see yourself going backwards and you're entering "I shoulda done better" territory, you NEED to stop immediately and regroup.

Try a "re-do." You only have today to live your best life. Take a breath, tell yourself that it's not the end of the world, figure out a new plan B and go for it. Does "plan B" seem too overwhelming? Well, break it down into baby-steps. Breaking a task down into baby-steps makes it easier to manage.

Get through your life's speed bumps by taking charge of your life!

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