Monday, November 12, 2018

Managing Your Grief

It’s often hard to manage grief in healthy ways. Here are 10 signs that you are on the right track.
·        You are using a resiliency that you weren’t aware of. You are equipped not only to endure loss but to move forward with your life.
·        You are using your own unique ways to heal grief. You aren’t following the script of other people.
·        You can talk about the loss. Talking about your loss and feelings is healthy and therapeutic.
·        You are stabilizing yourself on an emotional, mental and physical level. The powerful emotions that you initially felt, are easing up. It’s less of a “roller coaster” ride.
·        You are eating and sleeping better. When you work on grief, you let go of tension. This allows you to eat and sleep better.
·        You are enjoying the company of others.
·        You are comfortable when people don’t know what to say.
·        You realize that the “goal” is not to get over the loss but to heal it to the best of your ability.
·        You are reaching out to help others. This act indicates that you aren’t completely self-absorbed and have energy to help others.
·        You find reasons to be optimistic and look forward to the future.

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Saturday, November 3, 2018

Grief: 9 Myths

Grief is a roller coaster ride. It has ups and downs. Grieving patterns are unique. Here are 9 myths about it:

1.   People grieve the same way. Grieving is a highly individual experience. Grief depends upon a variety of factors (i.e. education, religion, life experiences etc.). No two people grieve the same way.

2.   Grief lasts 6 months to a year. Grief recovery takes two years or more before life feels “normal” again.

3.   Time heals the wound. Time alone isn’t enough. There is an old saying that tells that “time heals all wounds.” With the passage of time, the pangs of grief may become less sharp, less frequent. Healing doesn’t just simply “happen.” You must help it alone. Some ways to help include: grief support group, nurturing your spirit, taking care of your physical self with exercise and nutrition.

4.   Get over grief as soon as possible. Instead of focusing on getting over grief, focus on growing through it.

5.   Friends can help by avoiding talking about it. Grievers want and need to talk about their loss. Friends can facilitate the healing by being good listeners.

6.   Tears reveal weakness. Tears reflect a deep love and are a natural part of mourning. Many people associate tears of grief with inadequacy and weakness. Crying on the part of the mourner often generates feelings of helplessness in friends, family and caregivers. Crying is a natural way of releasing tension in the body. Crying makes people feel better. Tears are NOT a sign of weakness.

7.   Staying busy keeps the pain away. There is no way to avoid pain or loss. Burying yourself in a lot of activities delays the recovery process. The BEST approach is a balance of social interaction and solitude.

8.   Family and friends are your best support system. Some families have high dysfunction. Some friends have never had an experience with loss and may not know how to help. The best support comes from 2 sources: 1) People with high levels of compassion and sensitivity, 2) People who have experienced the death of a loved one.

9.   There will be closure. Closure is not some magical, mystical endpoint with a sudden ending to grief and life returns to normal. Closure is gradual. Each  person’s journey is different.

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Sunday, October 28, 2018

Staying Strong

Technology is NOT my strong suit. While I understand that it has a purpose, I’m overwhelmed in how/why things HAVE to continue to be “updated,” or evolve in the way that they do. I look at it this way, “If it ain’t broke, why fix it?”

I’m also a visual learner. I have to see something work (many times) before I “get it.”

The above all came together when I had to learn some features about my android phone and music (for my zumba class).

I walked into a Best Buy to check out some adapters etc. I walked up to two “Mac Specialists” and asked for help. A young man (20ish) volunteered and led me to the devices I needed. As I began questioning him, he “took over” and spoke over me. The first time he did it, I gave him a “pass” and waited for him to take a breath. When he did, I interjected with more questions. He spoke over me again. I stopped him and said, “Sir, I’m a visual learner. In addition, I’m fearful of technology. I don’t understand it and want to learn this. I need to talk this out so I can feel comfortable with the product.”

Once again, he  spoke over me.
At this point, I broke eye-contact with him and looked at the floor. He enraged me to no end.

I wanted to swear at him. I chose not to. I wanted to punch him. I chose not.

I tried to interrupt. He said, “Listen, I know what you need. This device will work. I sell these things all the time.”
I reached my peak. I looked at him and said, “I’m done.” In addition, I told him he was a terrible listener. I walked out of the store. I would not give him the sale.

I felt good about the way I handled this. I stood strong in that I would NOT permit this young man to treat me disrespectfully.

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Focus: Limits, boundaries

Questions for you: 1) What situations/people repeatedly disrespect you and your boundaries? 2) How are you currently handling it? Are you letting it go or confronting it?

Saturday, October 20, 2018

General Behaviors of Anxiety or Depression

  • ·       Mind races
  • ·        Possible sleep disturbances
  • ·        Breathing is fast or shallow
  • ·        Nausea or lack of appetite
  • ·        Restless
  • ·        Jelly-like legs
  • ·        Dizzy or light headed
  • ·        Blurred vision
  • ·        Difficulty swallowing
  • ·        Heart palpitations
  • ·        Sweating or shivering
  • ·        Want to run away from the situation

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Saturday, October 13, 2018

Symptoms of Anxiety and Depression

Symptoms of Anxiety and Depression  

·        Fear
·        Panic
·        Apprehension
·        Panic attacks
·        Digestive complaints
·        Excessive worry
·        Agitation
·        Difficulty concentrating
·        Sleep disturbance

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Saturday, October 6, 2018

6 Types of Anxiety Disorders

1.   Generalized Anxiety Disorder: This presents as a long lasting anxiety not specific to a situation or object.
2.   Panic Disorder: This presents as a quick hit of terror. It’s often followed by trembling or difficulty in breathing.
3.   Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: This condition presents repetitious obsessions and compulsions.
4.   Social Anxiety Disorder: Presents itself as intense fear and social interactions managed with avoidance.
5.   Specific Phobias: Fear of a specific situation or object (i.e. spiders).
6.   Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: Anxiety from a traumatic experience.

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Sunday, September 30, 2018

9 Ways To Fight Fair

1.   Ask yourself why you’re upset. Take time to think about your feelings before you get into an argument.
2.   Discuss the issues 1 at a time: Resolve problems 1 at a time.
3.   Don’t use degrading language: Degrading language is an attempt to express negative feelings and make your partner feel bad. This just leads to more character attacks.
4.   Express your words with feelings: Be proactive and BOLD. Make sure you show your partner that you mean business WITHOUT being crude!
5.   Take turns: Each person needs to talk and each person needs to listen. Arguments are NOT resolved if this doesn’t happen!
6.   Don’t STONEWALL: If you refuse to speak, you are stonewalling. You might feel better temporarily but the issue will still be unresolved. If you can’t move forward, agree to resume the conversation a little bit later.
7.   Don’t yell: If you yell and think you’ll “win,” you’re fooling yourself. It’s a TERRIBLE idea, and shows the other person that you don’t respect them. The problem will only get worse.
8.   Take time outs: If things get too heated, take a time out to cool down and come back when you are not as upset.
9.   Compromise: Do your best to compromise. Relationships are about “give and take.”

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